Garrett FATkins Has More Time To Eat

Today, Andy McPhail did his best Donald Trump impression and told Garrett Atkins, “You’re Fired!”

Designating Atkins for assignment now allows the Orioles to reactivate RHP Koji Uehara and his horrific sideburns.

Atkins, his squinty eyes and horrible diet is now unemployed but doing far better than everyone reading this website without  a job. He is guaranteed $4 million this year and also made an extra $500,000 from the Orioles as a buyout.

Everyone in Birdland saw this coming for months as Atkins, the once 20HR a year hitter was batting .214 with 1 HR and 9 RBI. The trade which brought Jake Fox to Baltimore was icing on the cake for Atkins because Fox can be beneficial in so many positions where Atkins could only play 1st base or DH (he didn’t even do that well).

It has got to be a horrible feeling for Atkins that he was just cut from the worst team in baseball. We can’t blame Orioles upper management for trying to resurrect a once promising bat in the lineup, the awesome work ethic on the field and great record was probably a little too much to turn his career around.

Please be on the lookout at your local Golden Corral for Garrett Atkins drowning his sorrows in $500,000 worth of Mac & Cheese



2 Responses to “Garrett FATkins Has More Time To Eat”

  1. plookintoohard Says:

    yeah he’s fat. 4.5 million$ fat

  2. Arjan Says:

    Haha, yeah what an idiot. Go bother the fishies please.

    Check out a letter “I found” from Andy to Garrett.

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