Ravens 2009 Preview – Weeks 10-13

Today is the day. The official start of the 2009 NFL season. Hopefully by tomorrow, when we preview the final 4 weeks of the Ravens’ season, they will already hold a 0.5 game lead over that team with the pee-and-poop uniforms, thanks to the Tennessee Titans getting all stompy on them again tonight. Not to get ahead of ourselves though – today’s preview sees what, at least at this point in time, could be the Ravens toughest 4-game stretch of ’09.

See Weeks 1-4 here, and Weeks 5-9 here.

Of course, all of these predictions are based on rosters, teams, etc., as they stand today. Injuries, suspensions, and whatever else could easily drastically change my feeling about any or all of the games. This is for fun more than anything else, so don’t go calling your bookie on my recommendations.

Week 10 – @ Cleveland (MNF)


So Browns players let the cat out of the bag, revealing that Brady Quinn will be the opening day starter at QB, thus foiling Eric Mangini’s plan to…hell, I don’t know what that guy is up to (maybe THAT’S his plan! mu-hoo-hahahaha) Seriously, the Browns are going to be a wreck. The Ravens finish off the Ohio sweep in Week 10 at the Mistake by the Lake.

Chance of victory: 75%

Week 11 – vs. Indianapolis


The last time the Ravens beat the Colts? Brace yourselves…

December 2, 2001.

That’s right, Peyton and Co. have now owned the Ravens for nearly a decade, winning the last 6 meetings between the 2 teams (2002, 2004, 2005, 2006 (Playoffs), 2007, 2008). The last 2 meetings haven’t even been close, with the horseshoes trouncing the purple and black by scores of 44-20 and 31-3.

Enough of that bleak stuff though. The law of averages says the Ravens HAVE to win one some time, right? I have the feeling that this is finally the year. Greg Mattison will play a more fundamentally sound defensive scheme against Manning, and not let him feast on our blitzes like he did against Rex Ryan.

At least, that’s what I’ll be telling myself.

Chance of victory: 55%

Week 12 – vs. Pittsburgh


Of course, we all remember (and those towel-waving idiots are quick to remind us) that the Steelers swept the Ravens 3 games to 0 in 2008. What you need to remind yourself and your nearest wannabe-Yinzer, though, is that last year marked the first time Pittsburgh had won at M&T Bank Stadium since 2002, and the first time Baby Ben had ever done so. The fact that it took an improbable goal line reception, and an act of extremely questionable officiating, to bring the victory to fruition should bring us all back from the ledge in realizing that the Steelers, by no means, have the Ravens’ number, at least not here in B’More.

The fact remains, though, that neither John Harbaugh nor Joe Flacco have ever beaten the Steelers. And, until they do so, all bragging rights will reside solely in Western Pennsyltucky.

Chance of victory: 70%

Week 13 – @ Green Bay (MNF)


In another scheduling oddity, the Ravens play their second Monday Night Football game in 4 weeks (of course, both on the road). This time, taking on the Pack on what should by then be at least a slushy, if not quite a frozen, tundra up at Lambeau. Many are taking Green Bay as a dark horse (NICKELBACK!!!) candidate in the NFC this year, and Aaron Rodgers is flying off fantasy football draft boards just below the Bradys and (Peyton) Mannings of the world. Not that fantasy status means anything, I’m just sayin’…their offense is expected to do big things. Even after getting an extra day to heal up after the certain slugfest in Week 12, winning in December in Lambeau will be no small feat.

Chance of victory: 45%

Tomorrow: Weeks 14-17


15 Responses to “Ravens 2009 Preview – Weeks 10-13”

  1. Matt Says:

    Nest why did you give the Ravens a 70 percent chance of beating the Steelers. All you did was make Ape’s vagina explode and he is going to come in here and bitch that you disrespectedthe mighty Steelers.

  2. urmom Says:

    I’ve made an apes vagina explode before. 😉

  3. NestMinder Says:

    Racists AND Beastiality enthusiasts.

    “Yup, those are my [beats self within an inch of my own life]

  4. Matt Says:

    Exploding Ape Vaginas should of been my fantasy football team name.

  5. Christmas Ape Says:

    last year marked the first time Pittsburgh had won at M&T Bank Stadium since 2002, and the first time Baby Ben had ever done so.

    Ben came in relief in 2004 (his first ever game appearance). Tommy Maddox started the game in Baltimore in 2005. Roethlisberger lost in 2006. He didn’t play in 2007 because the Steelers had already won the division. He won in 2008.

    Roethlisberger is 1-1 as a starter in the Taxpayer Funded Cleveland Browns Bait Stadium.

    Really, 1-1 is something you brag about?


  6. NestMinder Says:


  7. Christmas Ape Says:

    Damn straight.

    You can think the Ravens can win that game all you want. They very well might. But acting like Roethlisberger has been haunted by M&T Bank Stadium is wrong.

  8. NestMinder Says:

    Thanks for permission to think what I want to think, Chief.

    Fact: 2008 was the FIRST TIME Roethlisberger won at M&T Bank Stadium.

    Dance around it all you want, all I did was state an indisputable fact. If you choose to take it in the context that I am saying M&T Bank haunts him, that’s your prerogative.

  9. Christmas Ape Says:

    And since all your commenters were calling out for me to bitch about something, I didn’t want to disappoint.

    Why am I more popular than you on your own site, Nest?

  10. Rainbow Coalition Says:

    Probably because we’re all gay and we’re excited to hear more about your ASSplosion!!!

  11. UnbiasedGuy Says:

    Not just Aaron Rodgers – FF, but

    Ryan Grant

    And most importantly, the new 3-4 sleeper #1 defense. Ravens will be in for a good game in the middle of winter at Lambeau.

  12. Goob Says:

    because it’s like prison Ape… the little bitch is always picked on by the big dick black dudes. Just think of us as the big dick black dudes and we’ve all seen what you looked like so we’ll just go ahead and say the bitch comment is accurate. You’ll get ass raped and probably have an ASSPLOSION in prison so the smartest thing to do in both situations is shut the hell up and hide in the corner in the fetal position.

    i’d suggest you wear double the tighty whitey’s too

  13. Matt Says:

    I created a monster with the Exploding Vagina

  14. Goob Says:

    are you going to use that for your fantasy team name or can I have it?

  15. Matt Says:

    All yours Goob just give me a cut if you win your league

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