Ravens @ Chargers

The Ravens (4-6) travel to sunny Whale’s Vagina San Diego to take on the Chargers (5-5) this Sunday. The two top seeds in last years AFC playoffs, these teams are sharing disappointing seasons. The Chargers, however, are lucky enough to play in the craptastic AFC west, and thus find themselves tied for 1st place in their division. Somehow disappointed with the job he did in leading them to a 14-2 record in 2006, the Bolts fired Marty Schottenheimer in favor of Norv “I’m a really good coordinator but a terrible head coach” Turner. Turner has performed his usual magic and “Turn-ed” the team around. Whale’s Vagina San Diego had the number 10 defense and number 4 offense in the NFL last season, and after 11 weeks of the Turner treatment, this year find themselves with the 25th ranked D and 21st ranked O. The Bolts are 4-1 at Qualcomm stadium this year, but could easily be 3-2 if it not for Adam Vinatieri forgetting how to kick field goals from less than 30 yards.

This game matches two young and inconsistent quarterbacks, Kyle Boller and Philip Rivers. Rivers made strides in his play last year, but has regressed this season, having thrown 11 touchdowns and 12 interceptions for a passer rating of 76.5, about 15 points lower than his rating in 2006. For the Ravens, Boller looks to build upon his play in the 2nd half of last week’s game against Cleveland, when he threw two touchdowns and led the Ravens to 23 points. Boller, as we have mentioned here before, has been far from a road warrior in his professional career, compiling a record of 5-13 outside the friendly confines of M&T Bank Stadium.

Rivers has been far from the only disappointment for whale’s vagina San Diego this season, though. Ladainian Tomlinson, after his record setting season last year, has played like he didn’t turn down the Madden 08 Cover-boy job, sitting 9th in the league in rushing and having only found the end zone 9 times on the ground. On defense, roid-face Shawne Merriman, who had 17 sacks in just 12 games in 2006, has brought down the quarterback just 5.5 times in 10 games in 2007.

The Ravens will suffer from the loss of defensive end and pass rush extraordinaire Trevor Pryce to a torn pectoral muscle. Rivers is a quarterback that will make mistakes if you pressure him, and they need to find a way to do that without Pryce. On the bright side, the purple-and-black secondary is finally healthy, and the team of Ed Reed, Chris McAlister, Dawan Landry, and Samari Rolle will all start the same game for just the 3rd time this season. The presence of the opening day secondary will give Rex Ryan more leeway to blitz, as he will be comfortable leaving his corners on an island, especially against a sub-par whale’s vagina San Diego receiving corps.

This is a clash of two teams that are doing way too little with way too much talent. Hopefully, the Ravens have finished licking their wounds from field-goal gate, as they look to avoid setting a new team record for consecutive losses. The Chargers will be out for a little revenge, having lost in B-More last September. The Nest sees this one coming down to the running games. Whichever back, McGahee or Tomlinson, who can take the most pressure off his quarterback, will lead his team to victory.

Give the nod to the B-More D, allowing just 77.4 yards on the ground per contest, over the Bolts, who allow 119.7.

Ravens 23 Chargers 20


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