Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

GOOBVISION: Undercover to Expose Bandwagon Steelers Fans

October 31, 2011

We kick off Steelers Week here at the Nest with this very special piece of investigative journalism from Goob. During the Ravens’ bye week, Goob went undercover to a Steelers bar down in Raleigh to talk to some towel wavers. He asked them some “tough” questions to try to expose them for the fairweather bandwagon riders they are, and the results were…well, see for yourself:

In honesty, all of these people seem very nice, and we wish them happy healthy lives. Of course, things would have probably went over a lot differently were Goob to have worn his signature Beak Hat and purple jersey. So let’s just hope those long aforementioned happy healthy lives involve LOTS of watching their beloved group of yellow-and-black-wearing criminals losing football games, specifically to the purple and black, and especially this coming Sunday night.

GOOBVISION: Cardinals @ Ravens Preview

October 27, 2011

Last week, Goob didn’t do a Jaguars pregame video – and we all know how that turned out. So just to make sure the Ravens don’t lay another turd on Sunday, here’s some Cards/Ravens GOOBVISION!

Lookalikes! Jaguars Edition

October 20, 2011

It’s time once again for some Lookalikes! The Ravens roll into Jacksonville on Monday Night Football this week to play a team they haven’t seen since the 2008 season finale (a 27-7 Ravens victory in B’More). So who on the Jags’ roster conjures up visions of somebody else?

Let’s have a look, shall we?

First off, some blasts from Lookalikes! past. Punter Nick Harris has been featured on Lookalikes! before, when he was playing with the Detroit Lions back in 2009. Harris moonlights as Dr. Andre Nosik on the FX comedy “The League.” The League, a show based around a group of friends who play fantasy football together, was just in its infancy in ’09, with the season 1 finale airing the week of that Ravens-Lions contest. Since then, the show has really hit its stride, and is now chugging along in season 3. Good news for Harris, as at least one of his “teams” has shown him some loyalty by keeping him around.


Next up we have linebacker Paul Posluszny, who we featured last season when he was a member of the Buffalo Bills. We implored Paul to spend more time in the training room and less time swinging from trees to try to resurrect his as-of-yet injury-ridden NFL career.

He seems to have been taking our advice so far, as Paul hasn’t missed a game since the start of the 2010 season. You’re welcome, big guy.

Ok, enough with the retreads. Let’s move on to the fresh material.

Jacksonville running back Deji Karim had a decent rookie campaign last season backing up Maurice Jones-Drew, averaging 4.6 yards per carry on a handful of attempts. This season his average is down to 2.3 though, so his career arc is moving in the wrong direction. What is still going strong though is his Whoopi Goldberg impression on Saturday Night Live. Has me in stitches every time!

Maybe if you took off your damn crocs, you’d average more than 2.3 yards per carry. Just a thought.

The injured reserve list is no sanctuary from the B’More Birds’ Nest Lookalikes! informants. Defensive end Austen Lane thought he could escape us, but just like his dad couldn’t hide from the United States military forever, he can’t hide the fact that he looks suspiciously like a twin brother of Omar Bin Laden.

Ok, things are getting a little dark around here. Let’s lighten up the mood. What better to lift our spirits than some good old 90’s pop music?

As a former member of the band Hanson, Jaguars quarterback Blaine Gabbert is just the guy to sing a catchy tune for us.

Wow, Blaine. That’s an even more spot-on resemblance than I originally realized. That guy would have been right at home on the cover of one of my sister’s “Tiger Beat” magazines back in the day.

As a stand-in for former “Home Improvement” cast member Zachary Ty Bryan:

Or maybe fellow heartthrob Brad Renfro?

Hm, wrong position.

In any case, T. Sizzle, Haloti, Ray-Ray and crew should have no problems knocking the pretty right off of Mr. Gabbert on Monday Night.

Go Ravens.

True Crime – Ravens Sideline Assault

September 26, 2011

Late in the second quarter of Sunday’s 37-7 win over the Rams, Joe Flacco scrambled out of the pocket and ran out of bounds. It was at this point that the CBS cameras picked up a heinous instance of Raven-on-Raven crime. A blow-by-blow photographic analysis is presented below:

Here we see Joe as he reaches the Ravens sideline. The clock has ticked under two minutes during the play, and so the two-minute warning is now in effect. Joe is likely ready to go talk the rest of the two-minute drill over with offensive coordinator Cam Cameron. Ray Lewis is visible on the left of the screen. Suspected perpetrator of the crime, Jarret Johnson, is off screen to Lewis’ right.

Host of Ravens Game Plan on Comcast Sports Net Larry Rosen is pictured in the Ravens polo shirt, eyeing the dreamy Flacco. Lewis appears to be giving Joe some verbal encouragement. However, coming into our field of vision are the assault weapons, a water bottle and some stray ice cubes.

As Lewis continues to chastise Joe for not being in church on Sunday or something similar, we see that Rosen has noticed the weapons. However, it is much too late for him to warn Joe in time. Things are about to get very violent on the Baltimore sideline.

BOOM! The ice and bottle crash into an unsuspecting Flacco. Lewis is immediately speechless for once. Now, and only now, can we see our main suspect, Johnson. Having already hurled his icy projectiles, his nonchalant demeanor belies his guilty conscience. Does he regret what he’s done to his quarterback? Does he wish he could take it all back? Let’s have a look…

With a knowing smirk, Johnson gives the aura of the schoolyard bully who just gave Flacco a wedgie. Lewis and Rosen are seen having a good laugh at Joe’s expense, and it is only now that we realize they are nothing but sidekicks of the bully, far from innocent bystanders. Lewis was obviously just distracting Joe with his incessant jibber-jabber, allowing Johnson the time he needed to prepare his assault. One could surmise that Rosen is, in actuality, the mastermind of the crime.

We can’t see Flacco’s face, but we can only imagine the anger that Johnson has awoken. Joe is surely planning his swift and immediate reven…


Oh for crying out loud, Joe, suck it up. It’s only ice.

Lookalikes! St. Louis Rams Edition

September 22, 2011

The Ravens haven’t played the Rams since back in ’07, when the Nest was in its infancy. As such, we’ve never had the pleasure of putting together Lookalikes! for the St. Louis squad. That is, until today!

Let’s get to it:

To stop the Rams on Sunday, the Ravens will have to deal with their no-huddle attack, led by wonderboy second-year quarterback Sam Bradford. If they can’t Ravens fans will be screaming “(Apolo) OH, NO!” all afternoon.


That was a horrible joke. I’m sorry. To make it up to you, I’m going to bring in defensive tackle Gary Gibson, who spends his offseasons as comedian Joe Rogan. On with the good jokes, Gary!

When I saw a picture of wide receiver Dominique Curry, I was immediately reminded of the Princess in Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls.

I think he said she is not a virgin.

“They can tell that???” (8:15 of video in link)

Now, you all know by now that I can’t do a Lookalikes! post without some fictional characters sprinkled in.

Here we have tight end Billy Bajema, whom Nick-a-What!? shrewdly identified as being peas-in-a-pod with “Brain” from the 90’s cartoon “Pinky and the Brain:”

Two weeks ago, the Ravens played the Steelers and their friendly ogre-looking offensive lineman Chris Kemoeatu. Well, the Rams have an ogre on their o-line as well, guard Tony Wragge, but he doesn’t look nearly as nice as Kemo/Shrek:

Damn, that’s one hell of a brow.

As always, Go Ravens!

Goob's Ravens-Steelers Wedding Weekend

September 12, 2011

With the Ravens handing the Steelers, the beat down of a lifetime on Sunday, it was the perfect ending to a weekend we will not soon forget here at the Nest. Enjoy some sights and sounds from Goob’s nuptials in beautiful Beaufort, North Carolina.

Lookalikes! Steelers Edition 2K11

September 7, 2011

Time to get started with another season of Lookalikes! here at the Nest. For previous Steelers versions, click any of the links below:

It’s been a couple years since we went through the ugly mugs on the Pittsburgh Steelers’ roster, so what better time than here in Steelers Hate Week 2011 (Part 1) to take a look at the hideous beasts that are coming to M&T Bank Stadium on Sunday to try to ruin our weekend.

Granted, roughly 51 of the 53 men that only wear logos on one side of their helmet have faces only a mother can love. Surprisingly, though, there’s actually a couple guys on the roster who wouldn’t send young children screaming in the other direction upon laying eyes on them.

Hell, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen hordes of teenage girls running AT punter Daniel Sepulveda.

As for tight end Heath Miller, his gig as a professional football player seems to actually be an undercover operation – in actuality, he’s CIA agent Stan Smith (as seen on FOX’s “American Dad.”)

Personally, I’m relieved that Smith/Miller is on the job up there in the Appalachians. Not only do the Steelers harbor terrorist sympathizers like running back Rashard Mendenhall on their roster, but word has it that recently deposed Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi is hiding out up there as well.

Yikes. Save us Heath Miller, you’re our only hope!

All this serious talk about CIA agents, terrorists, and dictators has me a bit on edge. What I need is a friendly, good-natured ogre to talk to his pet donkey and cheer me up. Luckily, offensive lineman Chris Kemoeatu is here to oblige.

Finally, while this one probably would have fit in better with 2009’s Xmas edition, defensive lineman Brett Kiesel didn’t have this woodland creature living on his face back then.

Like his doppelganger Yukon Cornelius, Kiesel went hunting for valuable metals last winter. Of course, he happily came up empty in his trek for a Super Bowl ring, thanks to Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers.

Steelers-Ravens kickoff is in just about 98 hours. Hopefully in 101 hours or so, these goofy looking mofos and their entire team will be headed back west bruised, beaten, and defeated.

GOOBVISION – Steelers Hate Week '11 Edition

September 6, 2011

Just like the Ravens don’t get any “warm-up” games this year, clashing with the division rival Steelers right off the bat, Goob is ready for NFL Kickoff Weekend and is in mid-season hating form as he rails against Pittsburgh fans.

Great way to kick off the new season!

Kicking Off STEELERS SUCK Week – That Time We Watched them Lose the Super Bowl

September 2, 2011

To kick off STEELERS SUCK week here at the Nest, we take a look back to one glorious day last February when the Steelers sucked enough to lose Super Bowl XLV to the Green Bay Packers.

We were there to witness this amazing yellow and black loss in person, and to see all those stupid Steelers fans go home crying in their silly little rags.

Want to see more of our Super Bowl XLV fun?

Joe Flacco Unveils New Attitude at Press Conference

August 2, 2011

In this installment of GOOBVISION, we take a closer look at Joe Flacco’s press conference from the beginning of training camp last week. The media didn’t report the WHOLE story, as you’ll see.


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.