Here’s Goob Theoharris with his Ravens-Chiefs preview. This week, some fan favorites from Goob videos past make their returns!
Late breaking news via multiple outlets on Twitter have been swirling around horrific Orioles closer, Alfredo Simon, who is in jail after he shot someone in Luperton, Puerto Plata (where the hell is that!?)
“Shutdown Sauce” as he has been known in Baltimore, has likely injected his career with some shutdown sauce and probably will never be heard from again. He also does nothing to help the professional athlete image Baltimore has been fighting for years.
So now Simon goes from blowing games for the Orioles to blowing guys in jail probably for the rest of his life. It sucks that someone died but as it relates to the Orioles, they’re probably better now that he won’t be coming out of the bullpen ever again.
UPDATE: Apparently this was a dispute on New Years and a 25 year old man was killed and a 17 year old was shot. The police are still searching for Simon but he has talked to the O’s and insists he had nothing to do with this. (TURN YOURSELF IN THEN DUMBASS!)
UPDATE 2: Looks like it was one of those incidents where everyone is shooting their guns up in the air indiscriminately. You hear about these kinds of things fairly often from countries where people like to celebrate things with guns (instead of using them to settle differences like we do here in ‘Murrica), and who apparently still don’t comprehend the whole “gravity” concept. Extremely tragic, and 100% avoidable. It may turn out that it wasn’t Simon’s gun, but that doesn’t make this story any less sad.
After a brief holiday hiatus, Goob Theoharris is back in front of the camera to give us his thoughts on the Ravens’ Week 17 match up against the Cincinnati Bengals. This time around, he rubs our faces in all his Ravens-related Christmas presents, talks about man-boobs (but doesn’t rub our faces in his, thankfully), and repeatedly refers to the Bengals as “The Bangles” (please excuse him).
I can justify posting this on a Ravens site because:
If the internet detectives are correct, and this is indeed Rex Ryan and his wife engaging in some Youtube foot fetish fun, then the alleged filming incidents likely occurred while Rex was in Maryland and a member of the Ravens organization.
If you haven’t heard yet, go here and check out Deadspin’s feature.
Wow. I mean, the Jets have had some interesting scandals already this year (Hard Knocks, Jen Sterger, Ines Sainz, Sal Alosi), but damn…who would have guessed that it would be Mrs. Ryan that would ultimately provide perhaps the most ridiculous, off-the-wall of them all?
Apparently the Rex Ryan “kharacter” that Drew Magary of KSK has created really isn’t all that far from dead-on accurate.
I keep waiting for Brian Billick to make a cameo in one of these videos.
The Blind Side… America has heard that amazing story. Unfortunately for the Ravens, it is now looking like Michael Oher is becoming the star of the sequel, “The Offside.”
If you hear offensive linemen’s names called during a game, it’s likely not good news – a penalty, missed assignment, or an injury. Unfortunately, Ravens fans have been hearing Michael Oher’s name A LOT lately. If his high school days were the basis for the book/movie The Blind Side, his sophomore NFL campaign would be more aptly titled The Offside.
Instead of singing his praises after games, we’ve instead heard Michael Oher’s name mentioned during the games; when the referee calls a penalty on #74 or when Jerry Sandusky says he should have picked up a corner blitz as the crowd watches Joe Flacco being scraped from the turf.
After suffering a knee injury against the Bucs, it seems that Oher has been trying to gain any advantage possible. The left tackle is the most important person on the offensive line (see: intro to The Blind Side book) and the consequences are more detrimental if he gets beat than any other lineman. Oher’s seven false start penalties this season lead the Ravens and have become a cause for concern. I’d much rather see a O-lineman hold a player because frankly its a call that could be made on almost every play. At least holding a player takes him out of the equation thus not allowing strip sacks or even season ending injuries. Oher’s issues start before the ball is even snapped though.
I am not even going to sit here and say that I could do any better. Oher is good at his job and has all the potential to be great. It’s been a tough year, though.
The guys over at Pro Football Focus, who grade every player on every play during the season, have Oher as the worst Ravens’ offensive lineman this season, and as their 50th best tackle in 2010. Fiftieth. Ouch.
In addition, something as simple as hard counts and the timing with your other lineman has got to be Football 101 for these guys. Oher is a professional, and he needs to take care of this.
I think it’s safe to say that coaching will not win us a Super Bowl this year. In order for the Ravens to succeed, they’re going to have to keep winning with their talent, and despite their coaches’ odd decisions and game plans. It’s on the players to stop shooting themselves in the feet with silly false penalties – like false starts – though.
The ending of the “Baltimore Ravens 2010 Season” story is going to be written early February. It is either going to be a happy ending (fingers crossed) or one of frustration which may possibly carry over for longer than the usual off season, with a potential lockout looming. The authors of this story (Ravens players) need to bypass the editors (Coaches) and just make plays. Hopefully the authors do some editing too and throw the manuscript to The Offside in the trash.
Here’s Goob Theoharris with his instant reaction to the Ravens’ near-crushing defeat at the hands of the Houston Texans. The Ravens blew a huge second half lead and needed an overtime pick six from Josh Wilson to escape Reliant Stadium with the win. Here’s an irate Goob:
Note: Goob’s anger/inebriation caused him to take some liberties with NFL history here a bit. When he talks about Drew Brees “sitting on the bench” (1:30, 3:32), he’s mistaken. Brees, when he was with the San Diego Chargers and Cam Cameron was the offensive coordinator, was the starter for his final four seasons. What Goob had meant to say was a point that has been brought up a lot recently in Baltimore; that is, that Brees as well as Philip Rivers really only flourished once Cam was gone from San Diego. Please excuse him for making things up. Thanks.
Here’s Goob Theoharris, coming out of hiding after a week’s hiatus. He puts the Pittsburgh game to bed for starters, then tells us why the Ravens will win down at Reliant Stadium.
Well, he’s back again with another video (YESSSSS!) This time, he not only again says the Steelers win every game because of the refs and hates on everyone in Pittsburgh, but he also predicts a Ravens blowout on Sunday night and a Ravens-Eagles Super Bowl.
My favorite curmudgeon of all-time.
Guess who former Steeeler and full-time towel-waver Merril Hoge picked this week!
As for Adam Schefter…well, judging by his record, I’d say he just enjoys being wrong.