Archive for the ‘Hating’ Category

The newest Baltimore tailgate anthem – Purple Solo Cup!

June 5, 2012

This past weekend was the 48th annual Ravens Roost convention in Ocean City, Maryland (yes, 48. It was the Colts Corral Convention previously), and for about the eighth consecutive year, Goob and I were in attendance. This year, we re-wrote the lyrics to Toby Keith’s “Red Solo Cup” to better suit the occasion, and Goob sang it (several times). If you weren’t there, first off I’m sorry. But secondly, here is the video evidence. Lyrics within the video and below:

Now a purple solo cup is the best receptacle
for barbecues, tailgates, and Ravens festivals
and you sir, do not have a pair of testicles
if you prefer drinking from glass

A purple solo cup is cheap and disposable
and if the Browns ever win something, they’ll be decomposable
and unlike a Pittsburgh fan, my house is not forecloseable
Steeler Nation kiss my ass

Purple Solo Cup, I fill you up
It’s a Ravens Party! It’s a Ravens party!
I love you, Purple Solo Cup
I lift you up, proceed to party! Proceed to party!

Now I love to hold you up and cheers for a sack
Even better when it’s Big Ben on his back
Because when he gets hit and his nose goes “crack”
well that my friends is kinda…funny

But I have to admit the fans get smitten
Admiring how sharply “Goob” is written
On you with a sharpie when I get to hittin’
the tailgate lots to get drunk!

Purple Solo Cup, Steelers really suck
It’s a Ravens party! It’s a Ravens party!
Purple Solo Cup, Steelers really suck
proceed to party! Proceed to party!

Now I’ve seen you in blue and I’ve seen you in red
but “give me purple” is what I said
‘cuz you’re the Ray-Ray to my Ed
and we’re all just Wacko for Flacco!

Purple Solo Cup, you’re more than just plastic
You’re more than amazing, you’re more than fantastic
and believe that I’m not the least bit sarcastic
when I drunkenly look at you and say…

Purple Solo Cup, you’re not just a cup
You’re my…you’re my friend.
Thank you, for holding all my beer.

Purple Solo Cup, I fill you up
It’s a Ravens Party! It’s a Ravens Party!

Solo Cup!

Steelers Suck!

GOOBVISION – AFC Championship Recap

January 24, 2012

In easily the most somber GOOBVISION to date, Goob looks back on the heart-wrenching AFC Championship loss to the Patriots.

GOOBVISION – Ravens @ Patriots AFC Championship Preview

January 18, 2012

Late January and Goob is still making Ravens preview videos (hopefully this will be the second to last, as opposed to the last, of the year). This time he takes aim at Tom CryBrady, Massholes, and wonders if Bernard Pollard has any more Pats-killing mojo left.

GOOBVISION – Ravens/Texans Divisional Playoff Preview

January 11, 2012

The regular season was a blast – both for Goob and for the team – but now the playoffs are here and it’s time for both to really get serious.

GOOBVISION – Steelers Got TEBOWED!

January 9, 2012

Of course Goob can’t help but take this opportunity to laugh maniacally over the Pittsburgh Steelers being eliminated in overtime by Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos on Sunday.

GOOBVISION – AFC North Champs Edition!

January 1, 2012

Goob celebrates the Ravens’ first AFC North title since 2006 (and first division sweep in franchise history) by handing out some hardware here in his first ever “GOOBIE” awards.

Redesigned Bengals Helmets

December 30, 2011

For the Ravens’ final game of the regular season, they play the Cincinnati Bengals. As has become recent tradition around these parts, we’re here to give Cincy some more…appropriate…designs for their helmets.

A few years ago, you’d have a harder time finding a player on the Bengals who HADN’T been arrested than one who had. They’ve cleaned up their act a bit recently, but this design is just too good to pass up:

I mean hell, this is still a team that currently employs Adam “Pac Man” Jones, so they’re not totally undeserving. Here’s a helmet just for Adam:

In order to sell out Sunday’s game, Cincy had to resort to some shady tactics in their ticket office – selling “buy one, get one” packages to season ticket holders. Pretty pathetic, Bengals fans.

If they hadn’t the game would – as most of their games are – been blacked out locally. Maybe they should switch to a more basic helmet design until their fan base can get their act together…

This next helmet design honors wide receiver Jerome Simpson. By now everyone has seen his ridiculous acrobatics from last week, but just in case you haven’t…

This one’s for you, Jerome. To thank us, please don’t do anything nearly that incredible against the Ravens, k?

Finally…we couldn’t do Bengals helmets without a little ginger hate, could we?

 

GOOBVISION: Christmas Eve Tailgate

December 29, 2011

Goob hits the tailgate lots on Xmas Eve for Ravens-Browns and brings you some footage from what we all hope will NOT be the final game at M&T Bank Stadium this NFL season. Featuring the Baltimore Christmas Classic “Walking in an Essex Wonderland!”

Redesigned San Diego Chargers Helmets

December 15, 2011

Another week, another opponent, another set of re-imagined logos. In what has quickly become a reader favorite here at the Nest, this time around we try to come up with some more appropriate helmets for the San Diego Chargers…

Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers is only 30 years old, but the guy already has quite a brood – SIX KIDS! He married his high school sweetheart back when he was still in college at NC State, and apparently got right to work. This first helmet pays tribute to the man’s impressive virility:

(In case you couldn’t tell, yes, that’s a sperm with Rivers’ head on it…and it’s zig-zaggy like a lightning bolt. Zing!)

Rivers, while widely considered an elite quarterback in the NFL, has nonetheless had his struggles this season. His team is a very mediocre 6-7, he’s second in the league with 17 interceptions, and he had that horrible fumble that cost his team a loss to the lowly Chiefs. Maybe this helmet is more representative of his 2011 season:

Of course, it’s not all Phil’s fault that the Chargers have struggled. Somehow, coach Norv Turner manages to take an extremely talented team and make them mediocre year after year. This logo’s for you, Norv:

Combine Norv’s ineptitude and Phil’s struggles, and what do you get? One shitstorm of a Chargers team:

When one thinks of San Diego, the first thing to come to mind is probably great weather and palm trees. After that though, most will think of the 2004 Will Ferrell film, Anchorman, which was set in SoCal. These last two designs are a tip of the cap to Anchorman, San Diego’s answer to Baltimore’s “The Wire.”

The Chargers are no joke at the moment though. They’ve picked up their game these last several weeks, and the Ravens will have their hands full. Let’s hope they can bring 11-3 back from the West Coast.

GOOBVISION: Ravens @ Chargers

December 14, 2011

In this week’s Ravens-Chargers preview, Goob sips tropical drinks, hangs out on the beach, and lets an old friend who’s down on his luck audition for a job.


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