First things first: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Goob sure picked a hell of a weekend for us to be offline.
Not only did we miss the Joe Flacco wedding pictures coming out and the Kevin Gregg-Big Sloppy bench clearing brawl in Boston, but we missed Hines Ward’s DUI and the Ray Rice-Ryan Clark Twitter war that followed.
Hiney was pulled over in Georgia after hitting a curb in his car, then proceeded to fail the field sobriety tests.
News of this reached me Saturday just before noon via a text from Nick-A-What: “Hines Ward arrested for DUI! Dancing Behind Bars!!!”
Hines is OF COURSE, completely innocent. You know, just like when he throws the first cheap shot in every on-field altercation he’s ever been in, then walks away smiling like the kid that just stole the whole cookie jar as flags fly on the other team.
“On July 9th Hines Ward was stopped by Dekalb Co. police for suspicion of misdemeanor driving under the influence. He cooperated fully with the police and truthfully answered all of their questions,” the statement reads. ”We are currently in the process of ascertaining all the facts.
“From our preliminary investigation we can tell you that we are confident that the facts will show that Hines was NOT impaired by alcohol while driving. However, Hines is deeply saddened by this incident and apologizes to his fans and the Steelers organization for this distraction.”
Following that was the fun between Rice and Ryan Clark (who swore off Twitter a few months back, by the way), the Steelers’ de-facto cheap-shot artist on the other side of the ball:
Rice began the brief exchange by posting on his Twitter account: “Well it looks like Hines Ward will miss week 1 when the lockout ends DUI charge not a good look.”
Clark responded: “So glad you could Weigh in. Thx,” which drew this reaction from Rice: “it’s whatever u wanna do bro you know how to find me.”
Clark assured Rice that he will find him in Week 1, assuming the months-long NFL lockout ends and Week 1 games are played as scheduled.
“I hear ya brother.Thought we were all better than that. Wouldnt speak negative of you. I’ll find you!It’s not hard. God bless,” he wrote.
This is all well and good, but you know what would make it 1000x more fun?
IF THERE WASN’T A GOD DAMN LOCKOUT.
Fix it, jerks.
/points and laughs at Hiney one more time