Archive for December, 2009

Lookalikes! Packers Edition

December 4, 2009

A nice side effect of the Ravens’ next three games being against teams in the NFC North is that we get a chance to scan some unfamiliar rosters for goofy-and-familiar-looking mofos. Fun!

First up is Monday’s opponent, the Green Bay Packers. We start off with kicker Mason Crosby, who starred in the Transformers movies, and has also apparently been cheating on his girlfriend, Fergie.


Third-down running back Brandon Jackson has been playing extremely well, especially considering he’s been shot nine times. Or maybe he was just separated at birth from his twin, Curtis.


One interesting thing we realized while scanning the interwebs for pictures of Green Bay players – Aaron Rodgers is the man of 1,000,000 looks. No wonder it took him so many years to get on the field for the Packers! It had nothing to do with Brett Favre, and everything to do with Coach Mike McCarthy thinking he had a revolving door of backup QB’s, not just that one guy that got drafted a while back.

There’s “young Aaron,” who moonlights as “Ryan” on “The Office” on NBC:


Then we have mustachioed Aaron:


And, last, but certainly not least, Aaron the lead singer of “Creed.”



I’LL THROW THE BALL TO Eh-Ed REEEEEEEEEED! doodoodoodoodeeeeeee

Heyyyyyyyyy Joe!

December 2, 2009

Hey Joe

Between now and Week 16, when the Ravens meet the Steelers again, and soft-spoken, flake-free sprite Troy Polamalu is likely on the field, I’d like Joe Flacco to put “Hey Joe” by Jimi Hendrix on repeat on his iPod.

Only, when Jimi sings this line:

Hey Joe, where you goin’ with that gun in your hand?

I want Joe to hear this:

Hey Joe, quit throwin’ the ball to that Polynesian man!

Flacco, as we’ll see below, even managed to give Polamalu a sideline interception when #43 was in sweats.

Sideline Pick 1

This was on the Ravens’ second drive, on a 3rd down attempt that failed and resulted in a punt back to the Steelers, who would tie the game at 7 on the ensuing possession. Maybe the game would have unfolded a little differently (and less stressfully), if waste-of-space L.J. Smith had not pulled a “Foxworth” and tripped over his own feet coming out of his break when he would have been uncovered for a first down.

Sideline Pick 2

With L.J. down, Flacco felt his pocket-clock ticking, and decided to throw the ball away and bring on Sam Koch.

Sideline Pick 3

Sideline Pick 4

The ball, of course, was pulled in out-of-bounds by the inactive Polamalu. Can’t believe Collinsworth and Michaels didn’t take this opportunity to chastise Flacco for not seeing him there.

“You need to account for Troy Polamalu on EVERY SNAP! EVEN IF HE IS NOT ON THE FIELD!”

Sing it with me Joe.

Hey Joe, quit throwin’ the ball to that Polynesian man!

Play Like a Raven – Week 12

December 1, 2009


Time to change things up a bit around here. Lest Mighty Mouse Ray Rice continue to win the “Play Like a Raven” award every week from here on out, I thought it was best to just rename the thing in his honor. As such, “Play Like Ray Rice,” will be given out after games until further notice.

Played Like a Raven Ray Rice – Paul Kruger


Sure, the rookie second round pick from Utah racked up all of ZERO individual tackles (2 assists) Sunday night, and did little to get pressure on fill-in Steelers quarterback Dennis Dixon…but when we look back on this game years from now, it will be Kruger’s overtime interception that jumps to mind first.

Hell, with the lack of pass rush that the formerly blond-fro’d defensive end managed, Dixon may not have even realized #99 was on the field…he certainly didn’t know where Kruger was when he tried to go to Santonio Holmes on Pittsburgh’s final offensive snap.

So is T-Sizzle’s absence negated by the presence of Kruger? Of course not.

As Coach Harbaugh pointed out, Kruger will have to continue to improve if he wants to see increased snaps with the defense. But with his game changing pick in the extra period, Paul showed a flash of the potential impact-player talent that he displayed during the preseason, and made sure that those voices that had been questioning the Ravens’ coaching staff regarding his lack of playing time only get louder.

Congratulations to Paul Kruger, who played like a Raven against Pittsburgh. Let’s all hope he can build on this moving forward.

Did Not Play Like a Raven Ray Rice – Dominique Foxworth


By the same token that we have taken to calling the outstanding player of the week “The Ray Rice,” we could almost call the goat of the week “The Dom Foxworth.” Whatever Foxworth was trying to do on Dixon’s 33-yard touchdown pass to Santonio Holmes – from his spinning around in circles “coverage” attempt, to his “I’ll just escort this guy to the end zone” tackling FAIL – there should be a clause in his massive free agent contract that requires he forfeit half of his pay for that sort of thing.

Wow, was it bad.

Those of you who went to the game may be able to confirm this for me, but I’m also willing to bet that Foxworth again fell down in coverage at some point during the night, yes?

This year’s football outsiders almanac , a pretty reputable source for NFL information, had described Foxworth as solid, if unspectacular, based on his career play going into this season. Now, it may be the pressure of playing for his “home” team, or alongside guys he used to cheer for like Ed Reed and Ray Lewis, but Dom has been, and continues to be, a huge disappointment in Baltimore.

The Sun’s Mike Preston had this to say in today’s Q&A Session:

Foxworth signed a deal that will keep him in town for at least two more years. At this point, all you can do is coach him up and hope that he will improve. Right now, he appears to be shellshocked. It’s like he has seen a ghost and is afraid of getting burned. He has to learn to relax, and put the past behind him. Foxworth is a nice kid, and he is actually better than he is showing. With that being said, there is little the Ravens can do at this point.

Not exactly encouraging words. Like the Ravens, I guess we had better just hope hard that Foxworth improves. The only potential silver lining to the situation is that Foxworth’s bad play makes the good play of Lardarius Webb look borderline spectacular.

With Greg Jennings and Donald Driver on the docket next week in Green Bay, there are ominous clouds on the horizon for the secondary.


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