Archive for May, 2008

B'More Birds Nest Migrates to O.C. For the Weekend!

May 28, 2008


The Nest is going to Ocean City this weekend for the Annual Council of Baltimore Ravens Roosts Convention! Are you??

We will be at the event all weekend, wearing our B’More Birds’ Nest T-shirts and handing out stickers. If you see us, please, feel free to say hi! Even if you just want to say, “hey, your site sucks!” Although, if that is the case, you’d better be prepared to defend yourself against some skinny white fury, since we’re guaranteed to have a nice case of beer muscles for at least 90% of the weekend.

Seriously, we’d love to talk some Ravens and have a beer with our readers, so don’t be shy. Get yourself a B’More Birds’ Nest sticker and, if you want, we can get you a t-shirt too.

Hope to see yous down dee oshun, hun’!

O's Week in Review

May 26, 2008


The O’s were able to put an end to their 5-game skid by beating the Yankees today at the Yard, 6-1. Garrett Olson shut down New York’s bats for 7 innings, getting a bit of redemption after being roughed up at Yankee Stadium in his last outing, and the Birds’ put 5 on the board in the 7th, which is nothing short of an offensive explosion when compared to their struggles in the last week.

Punchless O’s
After beating up on the Yanks in New York 12-2, the Orioles did just what we’ve come to expect from them after scoring in double digits. That is, get shut out the next game. However, they took it a couple steps further this time, as they proceeded to score exactly 1 run over the next 3 games, all losses. They were able to put 4 on the board in the final two games in Tampa, but neither was enough to help them avoid the sweep at the hands of the Rays.

As of Memorial Day, only the Royals and Indians have scored fewer runs in the AL than the O’s.

Furthermore, no O’s regular is hitting above .258 (Markakis and Roberts, even with that crap average, are leading the team).

NicKKKKKKK MarKKKKKKaKKKKKKis
Nicky Mark still hasn’t been able to figure out how to regularly put the ball in play this year, as he leads the team and is tied for 4th in the AL, having gone down 48 times on strikes. It may be something we O’s fans will need to get used to though, as it comes with the territory of being such a selective hitter. “Eagle-eye” Nick, as he was known when he first came up, will absolutely not swing at a pitch that he considers to be borderline with less than 2 strikes. To his credit, he is also tied for 3rd in the AL with 32 walks, and as a result his OBP is higher than it was last year, even with that .300 average. Without anybody behind him to consistently produce though, the walks aren’t translating into runs on the board. Let’s get that average back up to where it belongs, Nick, and we’ll live with the strikeouts.

The O’s Have Road Woes, ‘Hon
With todays win, the O’s pushed their record at Camden Yards to 15-7. Only Boston has lost fewer games at home in the AL. However, they’re playing with no such gusto away from B’More (again – can’t score and play like crap on the road – are we talking O’s or Ravens here??), having compiled a 10-18 record on the road. Unfortunately, a 9-game road trip is just around the bend.

Ushers at OPACY SUCK!!!!
Alright, time to get angry. Read this piece from the Baltimore Examiner. I’ll wait.

….

What the hell is that shit?!? Those cockroaches from Boston and NY can come down here and raise hell in OUR STADIUM, and the few O’s fans that decide to fight back (100% P.G. fighting back, according to witnesses) get asked to leave for their troubles? Wow. Just….wow.

Another example of the Orioles having the absolute WORST public relations department in any of the 4 major sports. Way to go, O’s, you sure are showing the fans who’s boss.

And they wonder why nobody shows up….

On Deck
Two more games in the battle-for-the-basement against the Skankees

In The Hole
The Red Sux come to town for 4 this weekend. Let’s sweep ’em proper this time, boys!

The Yankees Wear Thongs. No, Really.

May 19, 2008

Sometimes, this site writes itself. We certainly weren’t prepared for this though…

Here’s a heartwarming story. In fact, it warms the heart like a pair of fresh-out-of-the-dryer man-panties warms the loins.

Apparently, tough guy Jason Giambi of the Yank-Offs has quite an interesting ritual that he uses to help himself bust out of batting slumps. He wears a gold thong under his uniform. Seriously. And not only that, but he lends the thing out to his teammates when he feels they could use a little “help” at the plate.

Johnny Damon admits to wearing it.

So does the immortal “Captain” Derek Jeter.

Jorge Posada says that, while he hasn’t himself donned the magic undies, that “a lot of players have worn it.” And hes not sure if it gets washed between uses/players or not.

What. The. Hell?

Uh….ballplayers are a strange bunch…..umm…yeah…

That’s all I got, man. The Yankees wear thongs. My lowly attempts at satire can’t even begin to compete with that reality. Thanks, Jason Giambi, for rendering all attempts at witty or clever put downs obsolete.

Hey! Here’s somethin': Did you realize that Mr. Giambi, he of the .181 average, is the 2ND HIGHEST PAID PLAYER IN BASEBALL IN 2008?!

That’s entertaining, right? I need a drink….

Orioles Magic!

May 15, 2008

This is awesome.

You gotta love these guys.  Someone should tell Adam Jones that drumming actually involves hitting the skins though, not just clapping the sticks.

Boston Red Suxwhat?

May 14, 2008

SWEEEEEEEEEP!

Don’t gimme that “its only 2 games” bull crap, either. Did you realize that its the first time in almost 3 years that the O’s have beaten Boston twice in a row? The fact that they pulled it off in a short, two-game series so that we are able to call it a sweep only makes it that much sweeter.

For the 2nd day in a row, the O’s overcame an early 3-0 deficit. Yesterday, the Sux put up 3 in the first inning off Jeremy Guthrie, never to score again. Today, D.Cab (who had lost 7 straight against Boston) scattered 10 hits very effectively through 7 innings, as 2 of Boston’s 3 runs off him came via the solo home run. Cabrera continued his newfound mastery of the strike zone, issuing not a single walk in the outing. Still, when he walked off the mound for the final time today, Cabrera, like Guthrie yesterday, saw his team trailing on the scoreboard.

However….

Jay Payton’s 2-Out, 7th inning GRAND SLAM, a screaming liner down the left field line, put the O’s up for good, and more solid relief from the ‘pen sealed up the ….. wait for it ….

SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

of the sux, sending the hordes of migratory Sux fans (many of whom likely made an entire two-day event out of this whole thing – our local economy thanks you, by the way) to go cry in their beeahs back in Bean Town – hey, maybe they’ll be lucky enough to listen to the Celtics lose game 6 to the Cavs on the radio on their drive back). Better luck next time, suckahs.

Awesome.

Speaking of relief pitching, a HUGE B’More Birds Nest Ups goes out to Jim Johnson. In case you missed it, Jimmy and Manny Ramirez engaged in an epic 10 pitch battle with the bases loaded and nobody out in the 7th of Game 1, which culminated in Manny Bouncing back to the pitcher for the 1-2-3 double play. Johnson then got Mike Lowell to fly out – an outstanding performance in a very intimidating situation.

Anyway, so in case you didn’t hear, the Birds swept Boston this week. Also, they took 3 of 4 in Kansas City to finish their last road trip up at a decent 4-6. The Birds are now 21-19, 2.5 games back of the first place….Devil Rays??

You know what? I’m very much OK with that. If it’s not gonna be us this year (and yeah, I know, it’s more than likely not), then yeah, I’ll be a Rays fan by default. Lets hope they can keep up their stellar play and keep both the Sux and the Yank Offs out of the postseason this year. The upside down AL East is a welcome sight after all these years.

On deck: Another day off, then the Nats travel up 95 for the start of interleague play this weekend.

In the hole: The O’s travel to New York and Tampa next week.

The 2008 O's – On display vs. the Red Sawx

May 14, 2008

I went to the O’s game today, what a great one to go to… oh yeah and I kept a game journal…

2:11 – On Pratt St. in the car, first fans I see, Red Sox fans… dag yo… I can see where this is going.

2:21 – Walking up to the beautiful Camden Yards, the vendors on Howard have shirts for sale. 60% of them are Orioles shirts/shirt-jerseys, 35% of them are Red Sox gear, 5% are Yankees Suck shirts. Well… at least we can agree on something.

2:34 – Braylon Edwards is here, he shrunk by about 2 feet and still put on 50 lbs.

2:50 – Just finished a crabcake and hot dog… now thats a Baltimore Orioles surf and turf.

2:52 – Announcer: “O’s fans, we have the reputation of being the best in baseball…” I guess that’ll be tested today.

2:55 – The Red Sox lineup is announced. Jon Lester is the starting pitcher. What an amazing story that guy has. Found out he has cancer after he was in a car accident. After more than a year of treatment he’s made a miraculous recovery and he’s found himself back in the starting rotation of the Boston Red Sox. If he was an Oriole he would miraculously still be owed $20+ million and he’d be sitting on his couch watching reruns of the Wire.

2:58 – The O’s starting lineup is announced… Manny got more cheers than any O’s starter… ugg.

3:08 – First pitch from Cabrera is a ball, I’m not sure anyone has noticed the game started.

3:09 – After 0.0 innings Cabrera’s perfect game is over.

3:12 – Dustin “the Danny hater” Pedroia bunts one foul. The Sox ball boy picks it up… shouldn’t he be in school? Where did they get this kid? Does he travel with the Sox? How much does he make? Are there Ball Boy tryouts? Is it like a combine? Do they have cones and a 40 yard dash and ground ball practice with no gloves… I need answers

3:13 – 1-0 Red Sawx. poo.

3:14 – Hey… just noticed the new scoreboard and Jumbotron/Fan-a-Vision. Wow it looks amazing!!! Have you seen this? It’s so clear. I can’t stop looking at it. It’s like my eyes are dancing in a beautiful sea of numbers and men… okay thats enough.

3:18 – End of the First, 1-0 Sawx. As I look around the stadium I’m noticing entire sections of Sawx fans. It’s like they all came down on the same bus/flight/caahh (car).

3:26 – There are 16 people in the 165 person section in front of me, 11 sawx fans, 5 o’s fans. 4 of them are plain clothes po-lice. I think one of them is Herc. The section in front of me to the left has noone in it. The usher is nazi-esque in his tracking ability. He’s on top of his game, anyone that goes anywhere NEAR either section he tracks them down and asks for their tickets. Two guys just tried to walk through the section and he made them show him their tickets. That guy is invested.

3:34 – End of the 2nd, Lester is perfect, he’s throwing a gem.

3:35 – Nazi usher is passing out All-star ballots. One per person!!! He’s not even passing them down the row, he’s going up to all 16 ppl in the section, one by one, and handing them only one. I vote for him for all-star usherdom!!

3:37 – Cabrera gets the day’s first K for kids. CareFirst donates $25. Good thing they don’t have any real strikeout pitchers, CareFirst would have to lower their donations. At this rate they could raise it to $1000 a K and be in good shape.

3:38 – Strange fact… Ellsbury’s on base again. He’s 2-2 with two infield singles to shortstop.

3:42 – And with no outs in the third the perfect game is over. Hackman Jones lays down a beautiful bunt.

3:52 – With two men on for the O’s, a decent “Let’s go Red Sox” chant starts up and Roberts strikes out. This is another, dag yo, moment.

3:53 – The Orioles like to thank the group “The Blessed Mother Theresa School of Dorchester, Massachusetts” wtf.

3:54 – The Philly Legend lives! Rocky Balboa, I mean Sylvester Stallone wins a popularity contest over Arnold Schwarzenegger between O’s players.

3:56 – Santana Moss is here, he grew a beard and dyed his skin white.

4:06 – Manny makes a running (well it was running for him) catch at the wall in LF with 1 out and runners on 1st and 2nd. After he makes the catch he jumps up and high fives a red sox fan (apparently he’s trying out for the Celtics). Huff, who was on first, is almost to third by the time Manny catches it. A relay to Cora then Youk and Huff is doubled up at 1st to end the inning. ugggggg.

4:12 – Varitek homers. A bomb over the green monstah… I mean Right Center Field, right under the scoreboard. Wow, look at that scoreboard, its glorious…

4:13 – For the 3rd time in less than 2 hours I’m hearing how, “it’s cheaper for them to come to Baltimore than it is for them to actually see a game in Boston.” We need to build a super stadium in Boston so they will stay home.

4:15 – Jonathan Van Every gets his first major league hit. Tonight on the wrap-up show he’ll talk about how terrible Daniel Cabrera is.

4:16 – It appears the Nazi usher has calmed down, the section next to me has filled up with Drunk Red Sox fan. Maybe this usher is really a red sox fans… I think someone may have a flat tire later.

4:19 – Bottom 5, 2-0. It’s time for the Old Bay Crab Shuffle!!! Woah!!! That Octopus is caaarraaazzzyyy. It’s number 1! Wooooo!

4:27 – Sorry I was so pumped up about the crab shuffle I needed a beer. Nick “because he’s so cute” Markakis just made a webgem diving catch in Right Field. The women are in awe.

4:30 – Crap. Home Run. Mike “I’m gonna hit .160 in April then go on the DL because you drafted me on your fantasy team” Lowell. Of course he’s been red hot in May, after I dropped him. Yoooooooooouk doubles. Then I hear “why are the red sox fans booing him?”

4:35 – First stadium wide “Let’s go Red Sox” Chant. super uggg.

4:36 – Fan-A-Vision advertises this Friday’s game vs. the Nationals as “take home your very own Oriole” day. You really take home a MLB player.

4:38 – The “in-between” inning camera continues to show the same 4 or 5 fans in the stands… and each time their amazed and jump up and down shaking their arms.

4:40 – I think the O’s just pulled a castaway off a raft and put him in the game. Guillermo Quiroz… … … singles! Great! Don’t let this one get near any leftover Tejada B-12 shots.

4:43 – A Roberts double puts guys at 2nd and 3rd with no out. I hear “did they score?” “No.” “Well that was alot of screaming for nothing.”

4:44 – Ray Allen is here, he’s apparently addicted to crack and weighs about 70 lbs.

4:45 – We’re on the board with an RBI groundout by Jay Payton, 3-1! Nick “I know he’s my daughter’s age, but he’s cute” Markakis is up.

4:47 – If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands. (Red Sox fans are clapping)

4:49 – Markakis!!! RBI Single, 3-2 and we’re back in it.

4:50 – If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands. (Everyone claps)

4:52 – George Brett is here, he’s fat and old, and has a 75 year old wife.

5:02 – The 7th inning stretch is here, “…root root root for the RED SAAWWWXXXX” they’re all gonna die.

5:11 – After a 2 out hit by Freddie “Andrew” Bynum (Lakers?), the Sawx bring in a new pitcher. The bullpen kid brings in the pitcher’s jacket to the Sawx ball boy. Wow. Two incredibly awesome jobs. Do you think they compare notes? How do you become a “bull-pen jacket jogger-outer?” What do you think he gets paid? Why isn’t he in school?

5:19 – B-Rob draws a fantastic 8 pitch 2-out walk to load the bases for Jay Payton. A new pitcher, its Okajima crap. A NEW BULL-PEN BOY!!! Do they take turns? Is there more than two? How do they decide who goes first? Do they actually like to run out the jacket? Or is it more like running laps in gym class?

5:24 – Jay Payton, up, gone! Grand Sa-freakin-lami!!! Wow and the crowd is goin nuts! For the first time today its officially an O’s stadium and crowd. What a great inning. 4 Runs scored, all manufactured with 2 outs. Out comes the YMCA!!!

5:26 – Payton gets a standing O as he returns to the field.

5:29 – Ronaldo is here, he’s dyed his skin, lost weight but he brought his transvestite prostitute with him… nevermind…they’re just girls from Boston.

5:32 – Manny rips one down the line, beats out the… wait no! The ump calls him out at first. Wow. what a bad call… I mean ummm… maybe you should cut your hair loser! It’s slowing you down!

5:41 – George “I don’t miss Seattle” Sherrill comes in. Single, Double Play, Single, Ball game. Save 15!!! Gooooooo O’s.

Wow….. what a scoreboard.

Ravens All Over the Board in Preseason Power Rankings

May 12, 2008

Those geniuses over at ESPN.com released their preseason power rankings this week, and the Ravens generated more disagreement than any other team. While Matt Mosely put the purple and black as high as #13 on his list, some numb nuts named Pat Yasinskis put them at #28. This disparity of 15 between high and low rankings was the highest of any team by a long shot, with Tennessee and St. Louis tying for 2nd most disagreed upon with differences of 12 each.

As long as everybody else gets to give out ridiculous rankings four months before the season starts, why the hell shouldn’t we? Thus, without further delay, here are the B’More Birds’ Nest’s offseason NFL power rankings.

1. Baltimore Ravens – Joe Flacco’s eyebrow(s) can throw the ball through the uprights from the 50 yard line. From their knees.

2. New York Giants – Eli Manning. Still unstoppable.

3. New England Patriots – Cheaters never win. Well, except in 2001, 2003, and 2004. And whenever Tom Brady bones other supermodels while Gisele is in Paris. On second thought, cheaters win.

4. Indianapolis Colts – We wanted to put them lower, but a Peyton Manning led team will always be in the hunt. Unless of course his favorite target, Marvin Harrison, is on the hunt elsewhere – for the ultimate prey.

5. San Diego Chargers

6. Dallas Cowboys – The Cowboys return 20 starters from last years’ NFC regular season champions. Pac Man Jones looks to fill spot 21, and luckily for Wade Phillips, Jones’ probation officer plays a mean fullback.

7. Jacksonville Jaguars – Somewhere, Byron Leftwich cries tears of molasses, and wonders where it all went wrong.

8. Seattle Seahawks – Jaime Moyer: The Lebron James of Philadelphia.

9. Cleveland Browns – Brian Billick still pretty sure Derek Anderson sucks, and Jamal Lewis is out of gas.

10. New Orleans Saints

11. Minnesota Vikings

12. Philadelphia Eagles

13. Tennessee Titans – After enduring the sophomore slump and the Madden Cover Jinx simultaneously, Vince Young ready to start trying to direct passes to his own team again.

14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

15. Buffalo Bills

16. Carolina Panthers

17. Green Bay Packers

18. Arizona Cardinals – They’re only 18, but Matt Leinart can totally get them some booze, girl.

19. Denver Broncos – Jay Cutler needs to be careful not to confuse his insulin vials with the vials of sunshine kept around the facility by Coach Mike ShanaTan.

20. Houston Texans

21. Cincinnati Bengals

22. New York Jets

23. St. Louis Rams

24. San Francisco 49ers

25. Chicago Bears

26. Detroit Lions

27. Miami Dolphins – The Big Tuna’s Big FUPA can only do so much with this mess of a team in year 1.

28. Kansas City Chefs – Yes, I said Chefs. I need a Snickers.

29. Atlanta Falcons – Brian Billick still pretty sure Chris Redman sucks.

30. Oakland Raiders

31. Washington Redskins – Hey, at least since Skins’ fans have a new baseball team to root for, they no longer have to deal with having the worst owner in two different professional sports.

32. Pittsburgh Steelers – Because they suck like Steely McBeam sucks down beers before he has to get behind the wheel. Of this. ZING!

O's Week (Weak?) in ReviEWWWWWW

May 7, 2008

                                                      The “O’s” are in a bit of a free fall….

Ew is right. Guess we really did jinx them – ever since we posted the shot of the standings with the Birds at the top of the AL East, the 2008 O’s have been WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!! That is, 1-7, and a team that looks like they will struggle to win 60 games. In quickly plummeting below the .500 mark, the O’s haven’t won a series since taking 2 of 3 from the Yankees nearly 2 weeks ago, losing 2 of 3 to Tampa Bay, then 2 of 3 in Anaheim, and finally having been swept out of Oakland in extra innings today. They’ve been the bizarro – O’s compared to what we saw during the first month of the season, going 1-3 in one-run games and 0-2 in extra innings over the past 7 days, and either not getting the clutch hits needed to win games, or having the bullpen squander a small lead late.

The main culprit, in typical B’More fashion, has been a disgusting lack of offense. The Birds have managed just 21 runs total over their past 8 games, were held to 2 runs or fewer in 5 of those games, and are now 12th in the AL in runs scored. The team’s 3 leading hitters are Luke Scott (.286), Nick Markakis (.270), and Aubrey Huff (.266). The Birds also had a couple brain farts on the basepaths that probably cost them the game Sunday in Anaheim, when Brian Roberts was picked off first base in the 9th inning and Ramon Hernandez was thrown out at 2nd when he went into his home run trot on a ball that bounced off the wall. Yikes.

A silver lining to the crap cloud that has been the last week has to be the starting pitching. Arguably the biggest question mark coming into the season, at least for now, the O’s rotation (with the glaring exception of Steve Trachsel and his 7.43 ERA) has looked to actually be a strong point of the team.

O’s starters over the past week (not named Steve):

Jeremy Guthrie: 12.2 IP 6 ER

Daniel Cabrera: 7.1 IP 3 ER 2 BB

Brian Burres: 11.1 IP 6 ER

Garrett Olson: 7.1 IP 1 ERA

Alright, so nobody is going to confuse them with the mid-90’s Braves, but those numbers are far from terrible. Just to reiterate: the team won ONE game out of all those starts.

On Deck: The O’s travel to the Barbeque Capital of the US to take on the 14-18 Royals for 4 games.

In the hole: A short 2-game series at Camden Yards looms against the defending World Series Chumps, the Red Sux.

Best Madden Commercial Ever – Madden 05

May 5, 2008

And in some added irony, notice the cameo by “Error” McNair in his “Air” McNair days…


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