Archive for September, 2007

Cardinals @ Ravens

September 20, 2007

In a match-up of 1-1 teams, the Arizona Cardinals visit B-More this week to take on the Ravens. Much like the Ravens last week, the Cards relinquished a big lead but still came out on top, defeating Seattle 23-20 at home on a last second Neil Rackers field goal. Also like the Ravens, it was their second straight tight game of the season, as Week 1 saw them lose 20-17 on a San Francisco TD scored with only 22 seconds remaining.

The injury bug continues to plague the Ravens. While quarterback Steve McNair has said that he plans to start this week, the Ravens will be without defensive end Trevor Pryce, who had surgery to repair a broken wrist suffered in the Jets game and will be out for 3-5 weeks. The loss of Pryce could be a big factor in this one. The key to the game on defense for the Ravens will be getting pressure on 2nd year starter Matt Leinart, who threw for 299 yards and a score last week. The ability of the Ravens front four to create pressure is diminished without Pryce coming off the end. While the B-More coaches have nothing but good things to say about the players filling in for Pryce, Justin Bannan and Dwan Edwards, until they show otherwise, neither is a fully capable replacement for Pryce. If Suggs, Gregg, Ngata, and the Bannan/Edwards combo is unable to get sufficient pressure on Leinart, the Ravens will be forced to blitz more than even they are accustomed to. This won’t make life any easier for the secondary, who will be charged with the task of covering two of the NFL’s premiere wideouts this week in Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. We saw last week in the 4th quarter what can happen when this unit starts to have issues. The Jets receivers were running roughshod over the Ravens in the final 15 minutes, and the Cardinals will likely be looking at the film from that 4th quarter for ways to do the same.

The other offensive weapon the Cards feature is running back Edgerrin James, who is 5th in the NFL in rushing through 2 weeks, having racked up 220 yards. The Ravens counter with a defense that is currently 2nd in the league in rushing, having allowed 56 ypg to date. The Nest gives the nod to the purple and black in this department though, so look for the Ravens to try to get the Cards in obvious passing situations by holding James in check. Again, the pressure will be on the secondary to come through.

On the other side of the ball, the Cards are ranked 8th in total defense this year. The Nest sees this as a bit misleading though, as anyone who watched the SF-ARZ game on opening Monday can attest that the 49ers offense couldn’t get out of its own way that night. Matt Hasselbeck threw for 281 yards and the Seahawks averaged 3.9 yards per carry last week in the desert. The resurgence of Derrick Mason so far this season in the Ravens offense, along with the return of a healthy Mark Clayton, bodes well for Steve McNair, who, if he is indeed healthy, should have no problems finding holes in the Cardinal defense. Willis Mcgahee should continue to improve on his first two efforts as a Raven as he becomes more familiar with his offensive line, and will likely find the end zone again this week.

In the end, keep in mind that “these ain’t your father’s (or older brother’s) Cardinals,” and don’t expect the Ravens to blow anyone’s doors off this week. The Ravens are the better team, however, and will come out on top in another B-More nail biter.

Ravens 19 Cardinals 13

Cardinals @ Ravens

September 20, 2007

In a match-up of 1-1 teams, the Arizona Cardinals visit B-More this week to take on the Ravens. Much like the Ravens last week, the Cards relinquished a big lead but still came out on top, defeating Seattle 23-20 at home on a last second Neil Rackers field goal. Also like the Ravens, it was their second straight tight game of the season, as Week 1 saw them lose 20-17 on a San Francisco TD scored with only 22 seconds remaining.

The injury bug continues to plague the Ravens. While quarterback Steve McNair has said that he plans to start this week, the Ravens will be without defensive end Trevor Pryce, who had surgery to repair a broken wrist suffered in the Jets game and will be out for 3-5 weeks. The loss of Pryce could be a big factor in this one. The key to the game on defense for the Ravens will be getting pressure on 2nd year starter Matt Leinart, who threw for 299 yards and a score last week. The ability of the Ravens front four to create pressure is diminished without Pryce coming off the end. While the B-More coaches have nothing but good things to say about the players filling in for Pryce, Justin Bannan and Dwan Edwards, until they show otherwise, neither is a fully capable replacement for Pryce. If Suggs, Gregg, Ngata, and the Bannan/Edwards combo is unable to get sufficient pressure on Leinart, the Ravens will be forced to blitz more than even they are accustomed to. This won’t make life any easier for the secondary, who will be charged with the task of covering two of the NFL’s premiere wideouts this week in Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. We saw last week in the 4th quarter what can happen when this unit starts to have issues. The Jets receivers were running roughshod over the Ravens in the final 15 minutes, and the Cardinals will likely be looking at the film from that 4th quarter for ways to do the same.

The other offensive weapon the Cards feature is running back Edgerrin James, who is 5th in the NFL in rushing through 2 weeks, having racked up 220 yards. The Ravens counter with a defense that is currently 2nd in the league in rushing, having allowed 56 ypg to date. The Nest gives the nod to the purple and black in this department though, so look for the Ravens to try to get the Cards in obvious passing situations by holding James in check. Again, the pressure will be on the secondary to come through.

On the other side of the ball, the Cards are ranked 8th in total defense this year. The Nest sees this as a bit misleading though, as anyone who watched the SF-ARZ game on opening Monday can attest that the 49ers offense couldn’t get out of its own way that night. Matt Hasselbeck threw for 281 yards and the Seahawks averaged 3.9 yards per carry last week in the desert. The resurgence of Derrick Mason so far this season in the Ravens offense, along with the return of a healthy Mark Clayton, bodes well for Steve McNair, who, if he is indeed healthy, should have no problems finding holes in the Cardinal defense. Willis Mcgahee should continue to improve on his first two efforts as a Raven as he becomes more familiar with his offensive line, and will likely find the end zone again this week.

In the end, keep in mind that “these ain’t your father’s (or older brother’s) Cardinals,” and don’t expect the Ravens to blow anyone’s doors off this week. The Ravens are the better team, however, and will come out on top in another B-More nail biter.

Ravens 19 Cardinals 13

FREE THE BIRDS 2 – Since this is an Orioles site as well, after all

September 19, 2007

The first post on the O’s here at the Nest is a call to action for fans. WNST-Sportstalk 1570 is having their 2nd annual “Free the Birds” night on Monday, September 24 at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. The O’s take on the Royals at 7 p.m. Tickets can be purchased for as little as 9$.

The “Free the Birds” movement is the brainchild of WNST’s owner, “Nasty” Nestor Aparicio. Disgusted with the current state of the Orioles, as the majority of us are, from the treatment of fans by stadium ushers to the play on the field to the public relations department and all the way up to the upper echelons of management and especially, ownership, Nestor started this movement as a way for fans to voice their displeasure. Last year’s rally had an attendance of several thousand and was covered by many local and national media outlets. Those of us that were there spent the first 5 innings cheering as loud as we have in years for the players on the field, chanting “O-R-I-O-L-E-S” regularly, as well as going into several versions of calls for Mr. AngelosE to sell the team. We at the Nest especially enjoyed this one:

“HEY, HEY, HO, HO – GREEDY PETEY’S GOT TO GO”

At 5:08 pm, as was the plan (honoring two of the greatest Orioles – number 5 Brooks Robinson and number 8 Cal Ripken, Jr.), we all got up from our seats in the left field upper deck and marched down through the concourse of the stadium, all the way around the field, and out at the right field standing room only section. It was a great day, and those of you that were there know that the players appreciated our enthusiasm, as evidenced by Miguel Tejada pointing at us and clapping himself several times from his position at shortstop.

Unfortunately, little has changed in the year since that first rally. The team still STINKS, management still treats the fans like idiots, and the local establishments continue to suffer from lack of business brought on by dismal attendance numbers at the stadium. And so, after initially deciding not to do a 2nd rally this year, Nestor reconsidered. There are no planned walk-outs or anything of that nature this year (at least not yet), just a night at the park for the teams disgruntled fan base to once again show it’s disappointment in the embarrassment the organization has become. It has now been a solid decade of losing for the O’s, and we here at the Nest share Aparicio’s worry that indifference and apathy have replaced anger and resentment in the hearts of far to many fans. That is just unacceptable. If you agree, and share our sentiments that the fans of Baltimore baseball DESERVE better….join us.

Read more here:
http://www.wnst.net/
http://www.freethebirds.net/

FREE THE BIRDS 2 – Since this is an Orioles site as well, after all

September 19, 2007

The first post on the O’s here at the Nest is a call to action for fans. WNST-Sportstalk 1570 is having their 2nd annual “Free the Birds” night on Monday, September 24 at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. The O’s take on the Royals at 7 p.m. Tickets can be purchased for as little as 9$.

The “Free the Birds” movement is the brainchild of WNST’s owner, “Nasty” Nestor Aparicio. Disgusted with the current state of the Orioles, as the majority of us are, from the treatment of fans by stadium ushers to the play on the field to the public relations department and all the way up to the upper echelons of management and especially, ownership, Nestor started this movement as a way for fans to voice their displeasure. Last year’s rally had an attendance of several thousand and was covered by many local and national media outlets. Those of us that were there spent the first 5 innings cheering as loud as we have in years for the players on the field, chanting “O-R-I-O-L-E-S” regularly, as well as going into several versions of calls for Mr. AngelosE to sell the team. We at the Nest especially enjoyed this one:

“HEY, HEY, HO, HO – GREEDY PETEY’S GOT TO GO”

At 5:08 pm, as was the plan (honoring two of the greatest Orioles – number 5 Brooks Robinson and number 8 Cal Ripken, Jr.), we all got up from our seats in the left field upper deck and marched down through the concourse of the stadium, all the way around the field, and out at the right field standing room only section. It was a great day, and those of you that were there know that the players appreciated our enthusiasm, as evidenced by Miguel Tejada pointing at us and clapping himself several times from his position at shortstop.

Unfortunately, little has changed in the year since that first rally. The team still STINKS, management still treats the fans like idiots, and the local establishments continue to suffer from lack of business brought on by dismal attendance numbers at the stadium. And so, after initially deciding not to do a 2nd rally this year, Nestor reconsidered. There are no planned walk-outs or anything of that nature this year (at least not yet), just a night at the park for the teams disgruntled fan base to once again show it’s disappointment in the embarrassment the organization has become. It has now been a solid decade of losing for the O’s, and we here at the Nest share Aparicio’s worry that indifference and apathy have replaced anger and resentment in the hearts of far to many fans. That is just unacceptable. If you agree, and share our sentiments that the fans of Baltimore baseball DESERVE better….join us.

Read more here:
http://www.wnst.net/
http://www.freethebirds.net/

Ravens 20 Jets 13 (the THANK GOD THE JETS CAN’T CATCH game)

September 17, 2007


With Steve McNair on the shelf with a groin injury, it was the much maligned Kyle Boller who led the Ravens to their first victory of the season. Boller had arguably his finest game as a Raven, tossing 2 TD passes while not being sacked nor turning the ball over even once. While the score did not turn out to be as lopsided as we had predicted here at the Nest, there was a point in the game where a 27-6 final score looked to be much MUCH more likely than the numbers that adorned the scoreboard when the last whistle blew. Leading 20-3 entering the 4th quarter, the good guys in purple and black looked well on their way to cruising to a blowout of the J-E-T-S. However, the 4th quarter belonged to New York, as they clawed their way back in it before the B-More defense FINALLY put the clamps on the Jets hopes with just over a minute remaining.

After scoring a TD with 3:12 on the clock, the Ravens were able to recover the Jets attempted onside kick, as Derrick Mason wisely swatted the bouncing ball out of bounds. The Ravens promptly reverted to their old ways though, and went a quick 3-and-out. The Jets then proceeded to march the length of the field, helped by some bad tackling, missed assignments, and bone-headed penalties. Luckily for us Raven fans, however, Justin McCareins twice let balls slip out of his hands; balls that, had he caught, would have undoubtedly put him in the end zone, and put matching 20s on the scoreboard. Also luckily for Raven fans, there was no leftover “Stick-em” to be found on the Jets sideline left over from the filming of “The Replacements” at M&T Bank Stadium 8 years ago, otherwise after the first “whoops!” coach Man-Genius would have slobbed up ol’ Justin’s hands with the stuff like his name was Clifford Franklin and Mangini was basting John Madden’s Thanksgiving Tur-dur-ken.

After getting inside 5 yards of tying the game despite the spate of dropsies, Jets QB Kellen Clemens final pass of the day actually WAS caught, just not by anybody wearing green. Ray Lewis picked Clemens off in the back of the end zone and sealed the victory for Baltimore. For 3 quarters Sunday the Ravens looked dominant, only to let off in the 4th quarter and nearly blow a 17 point lead at home, which would have been disastrous. We have to hope that the real Ravens are the ones we saw in quarters 1-3, and not the 4th quarter version.

We would like to take a second to point out what terrible luck Kyle Boller has. On a day where he plays extremely well, 2 things happen that are completely uncharacteristic of this team, both of which could have robbed Kyle of a well-deserved win. First off, Mr. Automatic Matt Stover misses a very makable 46 yard field goal. 3 points off the board. Then, the Raven’s D completely implodes in the waning minutes of the game, letting an inferior team with an inexperienced, battered-all-day-long quarterback nearly erase a 17 point deficit. These are things that don’t happen every (Sun)day here in Ravenstown, and it needs to be mentioned here. Because we all know, had the Jets tied the game and forced overtime, and somehow managed to get out of B-More with a win this week, FAR too many of you would find a way to blame Kyle Boller. You know its true. Get off his back. While we are certainly not saying we want to see Kyle in at QB for the next 14 games, Ravens fans can rest a bit easier knowing that if Steve McNair comes down with any more bumps and bruises this season, we have probably the BEST backup quarterback situation in the NFL. And that can never hurt.

Ravens 20 Jets 13 (the THANK GOD THE JETS CAN'T CATCH game)

September 17, 2007


With Steve McNair on the shelf with a groin injury, it was the much maligned Kyle Boller who led the Ravens to their first victory of the season. Boller had arguably his finest game as a Raven, tossing 2 TD passes while not being sacked nor turning the ball over even once. While the score did not turn out to be as lopsided as we had predicted here at the Nest, there was a point in the game where a 27-6 final score looked to be much MUCH more likely than the numbers that adorned the scoreboard when the last whistle blew. Leading 20-3 entering the 4th quarter, the good guys in purple and black looked well on their way to cruising to a blowout of the J-E-T-S. However, the 4th quarter belonged to New York, as they clawed their way back in it before the B-More defense FINALLY put the clamps on the Jets hopes with just over a minute remaining.

After scoring a TD with 3:12 on the clock, the Ravens were able to recover the Jets attempted onside kick, as Derrick Mason wisely swatted the bouncing ball out of bounds. The Ravens promptly reverted to their old ways though, and went a quick 3-and-out. The Jets then proceeded to march the length of the field, helped by some bad tackling, missed assignments, and bone-headed penalties. Luckily for us Raven fans, however, Justin McCareins twice let balls slip out of his hands; balls that, had he caught, would have undoubtedly put him in the end zone, and put matching 20s on the scoreboard. Also luckily for Raven fans, there was no leftover “Stick-em” to be found on the Jets sideline left over from the filming of “The Replacements” at M&T Bank Stadium 8 years ago, otherwise after the first “whoops!” coach Man-Genius would have slobbed up ol’ Justin’s hands with the stuff like his name was Clifford Franklin and Mangini was basting John Madden’s Thanksgiving Tur-dur-ken.

After getting inside 5 yards of tying the game despite the spate of dropsies, Jets QB Kellen Clemens final pass of the day actually WAS caught, just not by anybody wearing green. Ray Lewis picked Clemens off in the back of the end zone and sealed the victory for Baltimore. For 3 quarters Sunday the Ravens looked dominant, only to let off in the 4th quarter and nearly blow a 17 point lead at home, which would have been disastrous. We have to hope that the real Ravens are the ones we saw in quarters 1-3, and not the 4th quarter version.

We would like to take a second to point out what terrible luck Kyle Boller has. On a day where he plays extremely well, 2 things happen that are completely uncharacteristic of this team, both of which could have robbed Kyle of a well-deserved win. First off, Mr. Automatic Matt Stover misses a very makable 46 yard field goal. 3 points off the board. Then, the Raven’s D completely implodes in the waning minutes of the game, letting an inferior team with an inexperienced, battered-all-day-long quarterback nearly erase a 17 point deficit. These are things that don’t happen every (Sun)day here in Ravenstown, and it needs to be mentioned here. Because we all know, had the Jets tied the game and forced overtime, and somehow managed to get out of B-More with a win this week, FAR too many of you would find a way to blame Kyle Boller. You know its true. Get off his back. While we are certainly not saying we want to see Kyle in at QB for the next 14 games, Ravens fans can rest a bit easier knowing that if Steve McNair comes down with any more bumps and bruises this season, we have probably the BEST backup quarterback situation in the NFL. And that can never hurt.

Jets @ Ravens

September 14, 2007

The Jets (0-1) visit Baltimore this week to take on the purple and black. Coming off a game in which they got embarrassed at the hands of Bill Belichick’s band of cheaters, the Jets will likely be without starting QB Chad Pennington. It’s a shame too, as a Pennington vs. Steve McNair battle of the rag-arms may have warranted a call to the Guinness book of world records for most passes thrown less than 10 yards in a single game. McNair is reportedly a game-time decision for the Ravens. If he is unable to go, Kyle Boller would get the start for the Ravens. While this may be enough to send some of you running for the hills, take solace in the fact that Boller, while having a mediocre record of 18-16 as a starter, has nonetheless compiled a record of 13-4 at M&T Bank Stadium. In addition, Boller gives the Ravens a vertical threat that will greatly aid in making room up front for Willis Mcgahee to have his coming out party as a Raven, as the Jets safeties will have to respect the deep ball. The same can be said of 2nd year player Kellon Clemens, who is expected to start for the Jets. Rex Ryan will likely pressure Clemens hard, trying to rattle him early. If the Jets are able to pick up the Ravens blitz, the secondary had better be up to the challenge of covering Jets receivers Laverneus Coles and Jericho Cotchery, who are no slouches, 1-on-1. The Nest has faith in Chris, Samari, Ed, and Dawan.

More good news for the Ravens: Ray Lewis has stated that he WILL play on Sunday. However, the team will be without Jonathan Ogden, who is out “indefinitely,” and return man B.J. Sams, who is done for the season.

Regardless of who starts at QB for either team, this game will not be close in the end. Look for a big day from Willis Mcgahee, as well as a stellar defensive effort that will help in getting the team back closer to even in turnover ratio for the season.

Ravens 27 Jets 6

Jets @ Ravens

September 14, 2007

The Jets (0-1) visit Baltimore this week to take on the purple and black. Coming off a game in which they got embarrassed at the hands of Bill Belichick’s band of cheaters, the Jets will likely be without starting QB Chad Pennington. It’s a shame too, as a Pennington vs. Steve McNair battle of the rag-arms may have warranted a call to the Guinness book of world records for most passes thrown less than 10 yards in a single game. McNair is reportedly a game-time decision for the Ravens. If he is unable to go, Kyle Boller would get the start for the Ravens. While this may be enough to send some of you running for the hills, take solace in the fact that Boller, while having a mediocre record of 18-16 as a starter, has nonetheless compiled a record of 13-4 at M&T Bank Stadium. In addition, Boller gives the Ravens a vertical threat that will greatly aid in making room up front for Willis Mcgahee to have his coming out party as a Raven, as the Jets safeties will have to respect the deep ball. The same can be said of 2nd year player Kellon Clemens, who is expected to start for the Jets. Rex Ryan will likely pressure Clemens hard, trying to rattle him early. If the Jets are able to pick up the Ravens blitz, the secondary had better be up to the challenge of covering Jets receivers Laverneus Coles and Jericho Cotchery, who are no slouches, 1-on-1. The Nest has faith in Chris, Samari, Ed, and Dawan.

More good news for the Ravens: Ray Lewis has stated that he WILL play on Sunday. However, the team will be without Jonathan Ogden, who is out “indefinitely,” and return man B.J. Sams, who is done for the season.

Regardless of who starts at QB for either team, this game will not be close in the end. Look for a big day from Willis Mcgahee, as well as a stellar defensive effort that will help in getting the team back closer to even in turnover ratio for the season.

Ravens 27 Jets 6

Squealers Introduce New Mascot

September 13, 2007


The Pitzburgh Squealers last week unveiled their first official mascot in team history, to an ecstatic response from the team’s artificially inflated fan base.

“Wow, I can’t believe we finally have a mascot,” said long-time black and gold lover Doofus McPierogibreath. “After all these years of convincing myself that a ‘steeler’ was actually some sort of waving rag, I’ll now be able to look down on the field and see what this team really stands for – 5 o’clock shadows and flannel shirts! Woo Hoo!!”

The mascot, named “Steely McBeam,” will be present at all future Heinz Field contests for the Squealers, as well as being available for public events and private parties. The name was chosen via a local contest, with submissions numbering in the tens. When asked why more entries were not received, contest spokesman Tre Rivers replied that, “Although we had hoped for more names to choose from, we realized when we started the contest that most of us Pittsburgers would have trouble with the online submission process. Why, I myself thought up a name that I am confident would have been a hit, but every time I tried to type it in, my keyboard would malfunction due to all the sausage grease on my fingers.”

Rivers conceded, however, that his suggestion would have been no match for the eventual winner.

Reaction from other parts of the country has been a mixture of confusion and sympathy, with many voicing concerns over copyright infringement.

“I guess the mascot itself is fine, although I’m not sure how many trees he is gonna be able to chop down with that oversized paperweight. Shouldn’t somebody get that lumberjack an axe?” said one gentleman on the street when shown a picture of Steely.

“Well, yeah, it’s a good looking grunge rocker, but aren’t they about 15 years late? And why is it named after that show with the dancing baby?” voiced one woman.

Indeed, the mascot moniker brings is sure to remind any coherent individual of the late-90’s hit “Ally McBeal,” starring Calista Flockhart. The people of Steeltown, however, seem blissfully ignorant.

“Ally Mcwho? Nope, never heard of it. Hell, we just got cable out here in the mountains in 2003,” said one resident.

Ally McBeal, of course, was on the FOX network.

McBeam replaces the unofficial mascot of the Steelers, adopted last season, “Road Rash Roethlisberger,” a somewhat cruel character based on the off season antics of Squealers quarterback/stuntman/x-games athlete Ben Roethlisberger.
Roethlisberger’s camp seemed eager for the changing of the guard.

A statement issued by Roethlisbergers publicist had this to say: “As much of an honor as it was to represent this franchise last year, I am fully prepared to hand the torch to Steely.”

Reached for comment prior to his weekly demolition derby race, Roethlisberger, however, sang a different tune.

“Man, this is bull. I went through 75 square inches of skin grafts, 4 months in a tanning bed, and full dental replacement for the people of this town and this is how they repay me? It is my vow that between now and the start of the season I will suffer an off-the-field injury that will dwarf my motorcycle accident and make ‘Rash’ the mascot once again! Just between now and the next preseason game I am going skydiving, mountain climbing, running with the bulls, and cow tipping. Dude, did you steal my Mountain Dew? Extreeeeeme!!”

Squealers Introduce New Mascot

September 12, 2007


The Pitzburgh Squealers last week unveiled their first official mascot in team history, to an ecstatic response from the team’s artificially inflated fan base.

“Wow, I can’t believe we finally have a mascot,” said long-time black and gold lover Doofus McPierogibreath. “After all these years of convincing myself that a ‘steeler’ was actually some sort of waving rag, I’ll now be able to look down on the field and see what this team really stands for – 5 o’clock shadows and flannel shirts! Woo Hoo!!”

The mascot, named “Steely McBeam,” will be present at all future Heinz Field contests for the Squealers, as well as being available for public events and private parties. The name was chosen via a local contest, with submissions numbering in the tens. When asked why more entries were not received, contest spokesman Tre Rivers replied that, “Although we had hoped for more names to choose from, we realized when we started the contest that most of us Pittsburgers would have trouble with the online submission process. Why, I myself thought up a name that I am confident would have been a hit, but every time I tried to type it in, my keyboard would malfunction due to all the sausage grease on my fingers.”

Rivers conceded, however, that his suggestion would have been no match for the eventual winner.

Reaction from other parts of the country has been a mixture of confusion and sympathy, with many voicing concerns over copyright infringement.

“I guess the mascot itself is fine, although I’m not sure how many trees he is gonna be able to chop down with that oversized paperweight. Shouldn’t somebody get that lumberjack an axe?” said one gentleman on the street when shown a picture of Steely.

“Well, yeah, it’s a good looking grunge rocker, but aren’t they about 15 years late? And why is it named after that show with the dancing baby?” voiced one woman.

Indeed, the mascot moniker brings is sure to remind any coherent individual of the late-90’s hit “Ally McBeal,” starring Calista Flockhart. The people of Steeltown, however, seem blissfully ignorant.

“Ally Mcwho? Nope, never heard of it. Hell, we just got cable out here in the mountains in 2003,” said one resident.

Ally McBeal, of course, was on the FOX network.

McBeam replaces the unofficial mascot of the Steelers, adopted last season, “Road Rash Roethlisberger,” a somewhat cruel character based on the off season antics of Squealers quarterback/stuntman/x-games athlete Ben Roethlisberger.
Roethlisberger’s camp seemed eager for the changing of the guard.

A statement issued by Roethlisbergers publicist had this to say: “As much of an honor as it was to represent this franchise last year, I am fully prepared to hand the torch to Steely.”

Reached for comment prior to his weekly demolition derby race, Roethlisberger, however, sang a different tune.

“Man, this is bull. I went through 75 square inches of skin grafts, 4 months in a tanning bed, and full dental replacement for the people of this town and this is how they repay me? It is my vow that between now and the start of the season I will suffer an off-the-field injury that will dwarf my motorcycle accident and make ‘Rash’ the mascot once again! Just between now and the next preseason game I am going skydiving, mountain climbing, running with the bulls, and cow tipping. Dude, did you steal my Mountain Dew? Extreeeeeme!!”


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